


Visions of Broken Promise

by daxcat79



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Sexual Situations, Ben Solo Is Tired Of Kylo's Shit, But Luke's Preparing Her For Force Ghost Life, Eventually Everyone Ships It, F/M, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond, Force Ghosts, Force Visions, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Leia is Dying, Leia ships it, Loss of Virginity, Luke Ships It, Luke Stops Trying To Cock-Block His Nephew, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Poe Dameron Will Make A Great Leader One Day, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, The Force Ships It, force bond sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 13:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13032570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daxcat79/pseuds/daxcat79
Summary: Sometimes force visions are meant to warn us, and sometimes they’re meant to teach us, but mostly… they’re meant to show us what really matters most.





	1. Prologue

He used to find comfort in the silence. In the darkness of his quarters, his sanctuary. Whereas Snoke preferred to show off, Kylo Ren clung to a life of simplicity. Only now did he realize he’d been suffocating in this place. Starved for oxygen for so long his brain felt dead and numb. He stared into the darkness waiting for a pin to drop. The air felt cold, seeping into his bones until his limbs moved stiff and slow. Was this to be his life now? He’d finally reached the height of his power and he had no one to share it with, and so many circling like wolves just outside the door.

His hate bubbled like lava in his veins, but then he’d seen her face one last time. Watched her cut herself off from him. It left him feeling empty. That night when she’d reached out for him… the vision, it haunted him like a broken promise. She was by his _side_. He’d touched her fingertips and seen so much, felt everything so vividly. The energy passing between them was beyond comprehension. What was left for him without her? 

Kylo closed his eyes so tight his facial muscles ached. His head fell low as gloved hands gripped his hair on either side and pulled. Everything he’d ever wanted within his grasp, and it’d all slipped away so fast. Supreme Leader of the galaxy… he’d reached heights not even Darth Vader could achieve. This was supposed to be his shining moment. His day of glory. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Ben?”

Kylo sucked in a breath, head snapping up to meet the eyes of his bondmate. She was crouched down low with tears in her eyes. He’d been sitting on his bed, but he slipped to the floor immediately, falling to his knees before her. His wounded pride was of no use to him now.

Rey’s eyes were so open as she slid against the floor. Every movement was deliberate, but her hands were shaking. Her clothes were different… just an oversized shirt meant for a man’s body, leaving her legs exposed to his gaze, despite the raggedy blanket she’d wrapped around herself. There wasn’t even a bun this time. Her head tipped forward and locks fell around to frame her face. “Did you think I was going to give up on you?”

Kylo shook his head. “It’s useless. Snoke-”

“Snoke lied!” Rey growled as her eyes narrowed into a scowl. “Even if he did solidify this bond, it doesn’t matter, it’s part of us now. It’s the will of the Force.”

His head hung low, as if he no longer possessed the strength to carrying it on his shoulders. She was here. A weakness, _his_ weakness. His heart struggled to beat regularly, but its wounds were too deep, and the rhythm was off. Blood spilled from the seams, flooding into the spaces outside his veins. Was this what it felt like to die? “What do you know of the Force? What we saw was a lie. A manipulation. Snoke’s manipulation. Our visions. Our connection. It means nothing.”

Rey’s eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. She kept moving closer, invading his space. He wanted to turn her away. He wanted to pull her closer. Even in something as simple as this… the conflict tore at his seams. “I have hope,” she confessed, softly, as if even the very words brought her some sort of shame.

“I have none,” he responded, coldly. The sting of her betrayal still clung to his bones.

“Ben.” He kept still, refusing to move a muscle as her hand reached out just as it had that night when they first touched. “Tell me what you see.”

He swallowed thickly, staring down at the delicate fingers, so small compared to his own. He was incapable of refusing her. He could see that now. She was a threat to his very sanity. A curse. A poison he eagerly drank, savoring the fatal burn. This time he used his teeth to tug off the glove. His canines sunk into the leather, and his tongue grazed the tip. He let the glove fall from his mouth to the floor. His eyes never left hers. He watched as her chest rose and fell beneath the large shirt hanging off her thin frame; licking her lips subconsciously, and her eyes were looking impossibly black.

Would he see another vision? Or perhaps something else? There was no one left to interrupt them this time. His hand was shaking as he reached out for her. The Bond sizzled and sparked, as alive as the Force, pulling at their hands like magnets. It was… terrifying. Exhilarating. He could barely breathe, and he had no desire to try. Their hands moved together just as before, but more than a faint pressure of skin against skin. 

Everything stopped as he watched Rey intertwine their fingers. It was so much more contact than before. He felt her put pressure on his knuckles, palms together, while her thumb tenderly caressed the skin of his large forefinger. He was transported. Sucked away into the depths of space as if an airlock had opened. There was no stopping it. There was no resisting it. The Force and the Bond swallowed him whole.

_“I won’t fight you! Ben, you don’t have to do this! Please, Ben!” Her eyes so red. Face stained with tears. He stands over her like the reaper of death. Wild. So filled with rage. Crazed. Brought to the limit. “Please….”_

_His saber clutched above his head. The intent to kill. Hums and sizzles. Fiery like his heart. “IF YOU WILL NOT FIGHT… THEN YOU WILL BE DESTROYED!” he roars, swinging down with all his strength. His ferocious scream echoes alongside her cry of agony, like a catastrophic song to make the ears bleed._

“NO!” Kylo ripped his hand from hers with a shout. Eyes wide. Body practically vibrating with energy that wasn’t there before. He scrambled away from her with tears in his eyes, falling backwards onto the cold durasteel floor. “ **NO**!” he wailed again, a pathetic wounded sound.

“W-what did you see?! Ben! Please! Tell me!” She looked startled, almost terrified, crawling towards him even as he kept retreating.

He shook his head and curled in on himself. ‘ _No. No. No. Why would he? How could he? LIES! VISIONS OF LIES!_ ’ His hands buried in his hair, one gloved and one bare. He was shaking. Shuddering. The shock twisted at his gut until he was forced to vomit. The entire contents of his stomach soaking the floor by his bed. Rey was over him now, hand gripping his arm, but he tore it away from her. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” he shrieked. 

She jumped back in the face of his fury, and he could sense her confusion and hurt. ‘ _Monster. Monster. Monster. Why would he? How could he? He couldn’t let that happen._ ’ He felt her hovering over him and pushed off to get away. A chair fell over in his haste and he kicked it towards her. Desperate to create some barrier between them. “Ben!” she cried out, sounding so _upset_. What had she seen? What had she felt? He was too afraid to ask her.

“GO AWAY!” he growled, practically snarling at her. His head lifted towards the door and he got to his feet. He ran. Ran from her. Ran from the vision burned into his brain. It played on repeat in his mind’s eye, making him choke as he stumbled into startled Stormtroopers.

“Supreme Leader? Supreme Leader are you okay?”

With the Force he shoved them away. They crashed into the walls with a resounding crack, and he kept running. _“Ben…”_ a new voice whispered as if from far away. His uncle’s voice, and his eyes widened as he twisted around to search for its origin, but there was no one there.

He was crotched low, eyes wild, looking more like a beast than a man. His hair clung to his face, making it hard for him to see through the fringes. “What _are_ you doing?!” came the prideful snarl of General Hux as he turned the corner. 

Kylo whirled around to look at him. “Prepare my ship!”

“W-we’re in the middle of expanding our territory! Where could you possibly be going?”

He stepped forward with intent, towering down over the insolent general. Reaching out with the Force he pressed against Hux’s windpipe, taking great pleasure in watching his eyes widen in panic. His hands scrambled to pull away something that wasn’t there. “Prepare. My. Ship.” He would not be questioned again. “We’re going to Mustafar….”

He wouldn’t let that vision come true. He didn’t give a _damn_ about the First Order… or the galaxy being torn to shreds. Stars could die. Planets could burn. All of it could be consumed by smoke. The rich. The poor. The young and old. Insignificant in the face of what he’d witnessed. None of it mattered. None of it! He would find a way to save Rey… even if it killed him.

*******

Rey gasped for breath, making a wheezing noise as her throat closed up. She could scarcely comprehend how a moment so gentle had turned. The vision she’d experienced left her heart pounding in her chest, adrenaline flooding her system, awakening all her senses. She was overwhelmed by the reality of their fate. So many would have found it pleasing, but it left her feeling cold and hollowed out.

She killed him. In her vision… she’d _killed_ him. The pain in his eyes looking so much like Ben Solo in those final moments, facing her rage as if he deserved it. Rey was standing over him like Luke Skywalker, wild and angry… making all the same mistakes. How could she? Why would she? Was that why Kylo ran?

“Rey?”

Rey’s eyes rose to see Leia Organa, voice rough from sleep. She and the General had chosen to share quarters so she could help Rey with her struggles to understand the Force. Leia was no expert, but she knew enough, was powerful enough to guide her. The Resistance had been crushed as far as the First Order was concerned. They’d hidden what was left away in the farthest reaches of the galaxy to rebuild. Their base was small, with just the bare necessities, a launching pad as they began the recruitment phase. 

Suddenly, Rey felt sick to her stomach, head aching from her revelation. Guilt and remorse pulled her down lower than she’d ever been, ashamed of actions she hadn’t even taken yet. She couldn’t have stopped the tears even if she wanted to. Her body was shaking as she choked on her sobs. Ben’s mother carefully crouched to the floor to touch Rey’s face. “What’s happened?”

“I-I saw… I _felt_ …” but her jaw snapped shut before she could truly answer. No one knew about her connection to Ben. She’d been far too frightened to tell anyone, worried they’d consider her a security risk and send her away. Rey had been so certain she could handle this. It had been presumptuous to believe in only a few days Ben would come back to the light. Turning him would surely take patience. However, now it seemed their fates had changed. Instead of seeing a future of hope, all she saw was darkness, as she bitterly ended yet another life.

“Tell me, Rey.” Leia’s eyes widened with so much concern. The carpet of the small living area dug into Rey’s knees, and the blanket fell around her forgotten. She watched as the General fondly caressed her face, trying to soothe and comfort, but it only made Rey feel worse. “Tell me what you felt.”

Rey shook her head, refusing to give the words form. Firmly rejecting the vision of her blade cutting into Ben’s chest. He’d _run_ from her. Refused to let her touch him. He must have seen it too. Seen how she would destroy him. Oh maker… the fear in his eyes cut deep. She’d felt like a monster in those moments. Twisted and evil. “I won’t let it happen,” she whispered, brokenly. “I’d rather die than….” She couldn’t even say it.

Leia pulled Rey into her arms, rocking her gently like only a mother would, and she clung to the feeling despite the guilt pressing against her chest. “What’s happened, Rey?” Organa urged.

 _“Rey….”_ an impossible voice echoed in her mind. It sounded like Luke, but when she stilled and waited, nothing else came. Leia hadn’t heard it… only her.

“A vision,” Rey finally whispered, eyes closed as she gripped the General’s robes. She hid away her face. “A vision of the death of Kylo Ren….”

*******

Luke had always wondered what he ought to expect when the time finally came. Yoda spoke in so many riddles, and he’d grown lazy in his efforts to interpret them. The feeling of _being_ , and yet not solid. No air filled lungs that no longer existed. No fluids filled a mouth that had no form. His heart did not beat, because he no longer hand one. And yet, being one with the Force… he felt more alive than ever.

The past. The future. The in between. Light and dark. The size and shape of the galaxy… the universe… yet always in flux. Ever changing. Ever forming. While some things were locked in destiny. He wish he had known this peace in life.

“A dangerous game you play, young Skywalker.”

Luke glowed in the darkness of Ahch-To, his hand waving over the symbol of light and dark, carved into the ground below. The waters rippled as he felt the Force hear his call. A dangerous game, indeed… he was well aware. “I failed them both in life. I won’t fail them in death too.”

Yoda’s laugh bounced against the walls of the temple, a strange sound Luke had always found slightly off-putting. “This deception, most clever… and yet… fragile are the hearts you aim to bring together. Tread carefully, you must, or cause more damage… you surely will.”

If he were living he would shrug. Perhaps let out a huff in frustration and impatience. As it was, his form bent over to crouch low to the floor, as if the effort of standing were too much for the body he no longer possessed. “You wanted me to learn from my failures, Yoda. I’d like to believe I have. This is a mess that _I_ helped cause. I won’t turn my back on them now.” He turned to face the small creature manifesting in the Force just as he was. “If Ben and Rey are the balance… I will see them fulfill their destiny… just as I fulfilled mine.”

Yoda hummed in delight, clearly in agreement. “We shall see, young Skywalker… we shall see.”

**To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter One:  “Broken Crystals of Our Hearts”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo get matching necklaces.

Rey had never seen a kyber crystal before. She’d wielded Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber with no thought to how it functioned at its heart. Perhaps she never would have known, had not her lightsaber been torn in half, after Kylo Ren’s decision to remain in the dark. The Jedi texts described kyber crystals as _living_ Force-attuned crystals found throughout the galaxy. 

The crystals concentrated energy like a conductor with the Force, with a collective consciousness verging on sentience. It was this knowledge that had shattered her when she saw that her crystal was broken. The two pieces of kyber crystal could never be repaired, and she hadn’t a clue if it was possible to construct a new one with just half a crystal.

It was Leia that had suggested finding answers on Ahch-To. Poe hadn’t been pleased at the idea of them leaving on their own with one of the only ships they had available to them, but there simply wasn’t a soul alive that had the heart to refuse a Princess. Especially when that Princess was Leia Organa. 

Their only other companion for this important mission was R2D2. The poor droid hadn’t been the same since Luke’s death, but seemed eager to cling to Leia as its new Master. Rey often wondered why it was so loyal to the Skywalker family. Perhaps there was a history there not even the Skywalkers fully understood. It was an ancient thing, after all… built long before even the Clone Wars.

It was painful to walk through Luke’s hut knowing he was gone. The caretakers had left everything as it was out of respect. They hadn’t really approved of her rifling through his things until Leia had introduced herself as Luke’s sister. As family, she had every right to recover any items he’d left behind. “I just can’t believe he’s gone,” Rey sighed as she stared at strange items scattered across the stone hut. It smelled like the damp, from frequent rainstorms leaking water through the cracks of the ancient home.

Leia’s smile was faint, but her eyes twinkled as if reminded of some inside joke. “No one is ever truly gone,” she assured Rey, taking a seat on Luke’s cot. Her chin rested on the handle of her walking stick as she surveyed the room. She didn’t seem to have the energy to explore. 

Rey wasn’t the only one to notice her lack of strength. She’d been relying on that stick more often every day. The chill of space may not have killed her, but it’d left her lungs permanently scarred. There were whispers that all their efforts had only delayed the inevitable. Rey refused to hear them. She wasn’t ready to face that just yet.

With a huff Rey collected whatever she could find, her fingertips trailed over trinkets from Luke’s adventures. His home seemed more like a museum of ancient artifacts, with only the bed to prove he actually lived here. His life had truly been rich and fulfilling up until he lost his nephew to the dark side. She wondered what kind of man the young Skywalker had been.

As if reading her mind, Leia finally spoke, musing over the past. “You remind me so much of Luke… back when we were still fighting the Empire. He’d come from a dusty old planet, full of smugglers and thieves. He was just the nephew of a moisture farmer, spending all his days staring at the sky, yearning for adventure. Everything was new to him. Every planet took his breath away. We’d been separated at birth… our lives had been so vastly different. Seeing the galaxy through his eyes… I… well, it changed my perspective so much.”

By the time Rey turned around she could see Leia’s eyes shine with unshed tears. The grief of losing her brother catching up once again. First her husband, and then her brother. She’d suffered so much loss in such a short period of time. Words left her as Leia stood back up and waved away Rey’s intention to give her comfort. She walked back towards the damaged entrance, far too proud to allow Rey to see her breakdown.

“I think I’ve seen enough. Take anything you think might help. I’m going to back to the Falcon to rest.”

Rey watched her leave, her frown deep with worry. It wasn’t exactly that her spirit was broken, but something had definitely changed. The burden of being the last to survive, perhaps? Or was it Kylo Ren’s betrayal that had drained her will to fight? Whatever it was, Rey’s heart sunk low, knowing it wouldn’t be long before she suffered another great loss.

Refusing to dwell, Rey turned back towards the hut. She wasn’t even sure what she was looking for. She pulled out a piece of her own kyber crystal, examining the jagged ends, and the splintering deep inside. A strange energy passed between her fingertips, as if the crystal were beating like a heart. It echoed in her mind like sonar, and when she felt it pull, she immediately followed.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Her blood ran cold as her feet began to move. Her ears deafened except for the steady beat that pulsed from her kyber crystal. Something was calling to her. The Force whispered just as it had when she’d gone to the ancient tree. Rey’s eyes narrowed just beyond her own crystal, as something hanging caught her eye. It was a necklace, a broken crystal roughly placed in a durasteel setting, dangling off a stone shelf.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Her own crystal almost seemed to glow when she realized what she was looking at. It called to her. So familiar. She’d seen it before in dreams. Her free hand reached out to touch the serrated end, and immediately her surroundings blew away like the sands in the storm.

_Kylo cradling a broken lightsaber as the Jedi temple burned bright in the night. His eyes fill with tears as he collects the biggest piece, cutting his fingertips on sharp rock, soaked to the bone by rain. Pain and anger rip through him as he staggers over the dead. Only a handful are left, urging him to run. He has murdered Jedi… destroyed their Master. There’s nothing left for them here._

Rey gasped, gripping the necklace, thrown back into her own body with a suddenness that left her in shock. This crystal… a kyber crystal… Kylo Ren’s kyber crystal. Without a second thought Rey guided her head through the long chain, watching the crystal rest against her chest. It felt like it belonged there. A gift from the Force.

At least now she knew what to do with her own broken crystal. There had to be something in these musky old books about constructing lightsabers with lateral vents. She almost scoffed as she realized she and Ben would have a matching set….

*******

Despite the noise of raging rivers made of lava and fire all around his private fortress, all Kylo Ren seemed to feel was the silence. This resounding quiet reminding him of just how alone he truly was. He tried to ignore it as he poured over books and activated Sith holocrons, desperately searching for some truth that might allow him to change his future. He would meditate for hours in the stillness of his private chamber, building up his powers as his understanding of the Force grew.

An army of Stormtroopers were left on Mustafar for his protection, while General Hux and the Finalizer were sent away on a mission to search out the handful of rebels that had escaped Kylo’s clutches. The chances of success were dismal, but at least it kept Hux occupied while he worked to save Rey from his vision. His most trusted Knight, Nalek Ren was given the charge to keep the General on task. Kylo knew how the man lusted for power, but his fear of their sensitivity to the Force kept him submissive… at least for now.

Each day he awoke to an empty bed. Stormtroopers bowed before him as Supreme Leader, but there was no one by his side to share himself with. He felt hollow. Push against his skin too hard and he’d surely implode. So far nothing he’d read could tell him anything useful. All the power in the universe, and he couldn’t even prevent himself from turning on Rey? In meditation he tried to see the vision again, despite the pain it inflicted on his soul, desperate to understand what could bring him to that moment of insanity.

Perhaps death was the only answer he would receive in this place….

“I must admit, you’ve certainly inherited your grandfather’s flair for the dramatic.”

Kylo stilled, heart seizing as the familiar voice broke through the silence, and stole away his calm. _No._ His blood boiled instantly, hands tightening into fists, but he refused to acknowledge the presence that would dare disturb his asylum. He forced his feet to continue moving down the dark hallway, his eyes steadily focused on the entrance to his quarters. He couldn’t do this. He _wouldn’t_ do this.

“I told you I’d be back, Ben. You weren’t listening, were you? I suppose some things never change.”

His pace sped into a run as he reached the end of the hallway, punching in his passcode angrily, and slipping inside before another word could be uttered. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he collapsed against the door on the other side. Kylo shut his eyes tight, struggling to steady his nerves.

“I’m dead. You really think you can shut me out with a locked door?”

_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_ Kylo dashed forward towards the glowing presence, throwing the chair from his desk towards Luke Skywalker’s head. It passed right through him and crashed into the wall, shattering a glass picture frame on the way down. It was just a copy of a painting from Naboo, Johan Vellix was the famous painter who’d managed to capture its beauty. Vader had always admired his work. It was unfortunate Vellix had to be executed for actively protesting the Empire’s rise to power.

“Glad you got that out of your system?”

“What are you doing here?!” Kylo snarled. Every cell in his body wanted to lash out towards the apparition, but he knew it would do no good. “I thought we’d agreed I was beyond _saving_! Stay away from me!”

Luke took a step towards Kylo, and he immediately moved away. Briefly, he wondered if there was a way to rid himself of this specter. Perhaps something in the ancient scrolls, some Sith legend that might reveal how he could prevent Skywalker from appearing before him. He would do anything to make this stop.

His Uncle turned back towards the smashed glass surrounding his broken chair. The copied painting was torn and probably beyond repair. “Funny thing about fear and anger. It has a tendency to destroy rather than rebuild. I allowed my fear to overwhelm me that night, and in my haste to prevent you from becoming the next Vader, I destroyed Ben Solo’s trust in me for good.”

“Leave me.” Kylo hated how his voice cracked, sounding more like a begging child than the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Luke turned back towards his nephew and shook his head. “You aren’t the only one with sins to atone for, Ben. The Force demands balance. Until that happens… there will be no peace.”

It sounded like a threat, and Kylo’s stomach dropped in dread, even as he watched his Uncle fade from sight. What did he mean by that? Luke couldn’t possibly _haunt_ him until he declared peace with the Resistance, could he? He would never! No force in the universe would stop him from creating the empire his grandfather had always dreamed of. It was his mission. His purpose! The very reason he’d made such big sacrifices in his life. 

If he gave up now… what was the point of any of it?! What was the point of all the pain he’d endured? No! He believed in Darth Vader’s vision! An end of corruption! True peace and order throughout the galaxy. It was the only way to restore the balance! The only way to _keep_ the balance! 

He would not be bullied by the dead, and certainly not by Skywalker! No… he would find a way to save Rey. He’d convince her that his actions were _right_. He had to… it was too important. His very blood demanded it. The Force _chose_ him for a purpose, and there was no turning back now.

*******

Ahch-To was more useful than Rey ever would have thought possible. Scraps of broken sabers were scattered through the temple, and she suspected Luke had thought of returning home at least once or twice. Some of the unfinished sabers looked fairly rusted, but there was more than enough parts to be salvaged, and if nothing else… she _was_ a scavenger.

The ancient text that detailed design ideas were scattered all around her in Luke’s hut, with bits of metal dropped on certain pages that pertained to the task at hand. Her most important find had been the modulation circuits and an energy gate. These were meant specifically for lightsabers, and she doubted there was anything compatible aboard the Falcon.

Luke’s old lightsaber still had an undamaged emitter matrix, and the activator would only need minor repairs. It wouldn’t take long to create something functional, though perhaps it ought to be a bit sleeker, as her hand was much more petite. She’d been lucky to find one unfinished saber with handgrip ridges to her liking and a blade length adjuster. She’d read that it was possible to make a setting that would lower power levels so her saber might be non-lethal, but due to the kyber crystal’s fractured state, it would be nearly impossible to add that feature. It was better just to stick to the basics.

The ancient texts were quite specific on how to build a lightsaber, full of warnings about accidentally inverting the emitter matrix so as to avoid a backfire in the powergrid. She had no desire to watch her weapon explode in the middle of the war… especially when she was the only Jedi left standing. 

She’d built the outer casing using as much of Luke’s old lightsaber as she could. She’d brought plenty of tools on the Falcon to make sure she was fully prepared for this process. It used to be a special rite of passage for the Jedi, and Rey delighted in the prospect of following this ancient tradition.

It was Kylo Ren’s lightsaber that inspired her in both design and function. Hers was obviously less bulky, but the outer casing was almost completely identical, with a brighter metal being the biggest contrast. Rey had even taken the time to shine it so it looked like new. She loved the way it balanced in her grip.

It took most of the day to construct, with only a few minor mishaps along the way. The Force flowed around her and the weapon, eager to assist and guide her in this monumental task. Her heart was beating so furiously when she finally opened her eyes and watched it float just above her. Every piece fit together like a puzzle. She sensed its inner workings hum and vibrate, though she hadn’t even tried to turn it on yet.

Rey extended her hand and watched it drop. It was perfect. It was _her_. Not some legacy weapon from men she’d been so eager to attach herself to, or the saber she’d one day use to pierce Kylo Ren’s heart. All this was, all it could ever be, was a means of defending herself. She would never stain its casing with the blood of people she was meant to save.

This was it. Her moment. She took a deep breath before flicking the switch that would activate it. Immediately the hut glowed with blue light, and the blade sparked and sizzled like a flame. The vents were working perfectly, and she could actually sense them diverting power away from the damaged kyber crystal.

Rey’s eyes widened, her smile pure and proud, admiring her skill. “Amazing,” she whispered, extending her arm and pointing her blade upwards. She wished Luke Skywalker could be around for this….

*******

It felt like a dream when the Bond opened for the first time in weeks. Kylo was nearly asleep, his soul so weary after Luke had come and stolen away his calm. Bleary eyes looked up as he heard an echo of footsteps, and for one horrifying moment he’d been certain Skywalker had returned. When he finally lifted his gaze, he was met with hazel eyes, peering down at him… so curious and gentle. “You were sleeping.”

Kylo sat up immediately, ignoring how Rey flushed when the sheet revealed his naked chest. He wasn’t sure he could face her now. Shame twisted his insides every time he looked upon her face. He’d hated seeing the disappointment in her eyes when she’d shut him out. He ought to be angrier with the way they’d parted, but in the end all he felt was an emptiness that turned his heart to ash. “It’s been a long day.”

Rey’s eyes flashed with barely contained vehemence at his response. “It must be so exhausting… enslaving an entire galaxy.”

No, he refused to fight. He’d been stripped of all the energy in his possession after coming face to face with Luke. Kylo lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, sighing resignedly as he suffered her glare. “Why are you here?”

Rey’s eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “It’s not as if I can control it… this connection. I’m not even sure how all this works.”

Kylo was tempted to share his knowledge on the subject, but he doubted she’d be pleased to learn their link was impossible to break. Strong Bonds like theirs were extremely rare. These things were usually shared between Master and Apprentice, or family as in the case of Luke and Leia. _This_ was new. Unlike any Bond he’d ever read about. The Force was still pulling them together even with Snoke dead.

Rey chewed on her lip for a moment looking so uncertain and lost. There was something in her eyes… a desire burning just under the surface that she couldn’t quite make peace with. “I constructed a new lightsaber today.”

His eyebrows rose, though he knew he ought not be taken aback by the news. Her ingenuity was certainly no surprise after so many years surviving the ruthless climate of Jakku. “I had no idea you’d progressed so far in your training.”

“I have books,” she explained with a shrug. “Old Jedi textbooks.”

Ah yes, it seemed she was growing in her powers much as he was. Darkness rising… and light to meet it. Perhaps they truly were made to match each other. He watched Rey pull something out of her pocket and hold it out in front of him. A strange aura surrounded the item wedged between her forefinger and thumb, and it called to him immediately. 

Upon closer inspection he realized it was a kyber crystal… fractured… all that was left of his grandfather’s prized lightsaber. He wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to reach out for it, the call was far too strong. Rey gasped as his hand grazed hers, plucking it from her grip. It was solid in his hands, glowing and pulsing like a heartbeat. It whispered brokenly in a language impossible to comprehend, but he felt it’s intent just the same.

By the time he turned back to Rey, her presence had vanished. He waited for the crystal to disappear like the dice on Crait, but it remained solid in his hands. This broken crystal… Rey’s gift, though he had no inkling as to why she’d want him to have it. He would treasure it anyway.

That night he left his quarters and found tools, scraps of metal, and sent off a Stormtrooper to fetch him a chain. He placed the kyber crystal in a setting using the very heat of Mustafar, and when it finally cooled, he hung it around his neck. There was something oddly comforting in the way it dangled over his heart. A piece of Rey that would remain with him as he searched out an answer that would keep her safe.

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter. Lots of talk about kyber crystals and lightsabers, I know, but it felt like a significant moment to capture in this story. Comments are everything!


	3. Chapter Two:  “The Lies That Destroy Us”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s lies make her feel isolated from her friends. The only person Ben lies to is himself.

Rey wanted to believe her friendship with Finn could be like it was before. Finn was the first person to ever come for her. Not even her parents had loved her enough to do that. So she’d tried to pretend that nothing had changed, to hold onto that feeling… back when she’d seen him on Starkiller base and was amazed to find he’d faced the First Order just to rescue _her_. 

It worked for a while. She could almost fool herself into believing her own lies. She’d smile and laugh as if she hadn’t a care in the world… until her eyes would drift past Finn’s face and see Ben Solo staring back. Her appetite lost, as suddenly she was reminded of the secret rotting in her gut. The Force Bond that would not be ignored or broken. This connection to the darkness, to Kylo Ren, the very man casting a shadow of oppression over the galaxy. Her hidden shame.

How could she ever tell them the truth? How could she ever hope to explain Ben Solo? To the Resistance all he ever was, all he’d ever be is Kylo Ren. Only… that wasn’t what she saw anymore. She saw his potential. She saw the young boy who’d been betrayed by everyone who claimed to love him, who’d felt alone every day of his life… just like her. Abandoned by family… just like her. Aching to belong… just like… _her_. 

While Poe would crack jokes about Finn wandering around the ship half-naked after recovering from his wounds, Ben Solo’s quiet gaze would draw her in till no one else existed. Like a ghost he haunted her, watched over her, waited for her. Not the monster. The man. Then the laughter and teasing would fade, till it was like she was being pulled under water. Her surroundings muffled or muted, unable or unwilling to return to the surface and breathe.

Bodies all around her, and yet somehow she still couldn’t help longing for _him_. So many additions to their family of freedom fighters, and yet still she felt more isolated than ever. The Resistance was growing each day. Their hidden base expanding with resources, still a shadow of what they’d had on D’Qar, but the spark of hope shined brightly on everyone’s faces. Rey ought to feel like she was a part of that, but as a Jedi she struggled with the priorities of the Force. As a woman she struggled with a heart split in half.

It took a while for her to realize he only came when one of them was feeling lonely. It was like an instinctual cry for help that echoed across the stars. The need… this pull, was magnetic and powerful. Nothing could prevent her from heeding Ben’s call, her hand idly playing with the crystal around her neck; feeling its pulse was always an instant relief. The beating heart that _wanted_ her. The divided soul that _ached_ for something more.

Each time Ben would know whether she was in private or out with friends. She hated the disappointment that would swell inside her when she couldn’t acknowledge him. Somehow just seeing her was enough to settle him, and bring him the peace that he sorely needed. Ben’s eyes drinking her in as if that was all he ever deserved. Keeping his distance as the air around them sparked and sizzled. Rey wondered if it was possible to drown in this Bond.

It wasn’t their connection alone that kept her from exposing herself. If that was all it was, she was certain she could twist this Bond to seem more like an advantage. Leia would undoubtedly vouch for her, and insist that she hadn’t become compromised. They needed a Jedi to guide them in their quest to fight the dark. 

No, the Force Link wasn’t what kept her from telling Finn the truth. It was her _feelings_ about this connection that kept her silent. Rey knew they’d probably urge her to use it as a means to gather intel. They’d want to defile and ruin their consecrated union of souls with the ugliness of this war. Something so beautiful and precious to her ought not be tarnished by hate.

“Rey? Everything okay? You uh… haven’t even touched your lunch? That’s not like you.”

She knew Poe was just trying to tease. She pulled her gaze away from Ben to focus on Dameron, managing a smile that she knew could never reach her eyes. There used to be a time when the aching hunger was all she’d think about. How to survive? How to scavenge? How to fill her belly before her body chose to consume itself in desperation? Now her worries were replaced with something new. How to live? How to feel? How to make her heart stop breaking whenever she saw Ben’s face?

Rey let go of her necklace and picked up a fork, shoveling the mixed vegetables down her throat with an eagerness that she didn’t feel. “I guess I just got lost in thought for a moment, sorry!” she finally replied with a mouth full of food.

Poe snickered, folding his arms, so easy to fool as he hadn’t known her long. “My story that boring to you?”

Rey’s eyes shifted back to Ben briefly. His gaze heated her skin till she was certain she’d burn and melt right in front of everyone. There was something strangely alluring about his singular focus. “Honestly, I’m just trying not to picture it!” She flashed Finn a playful smile, and he immediately rolled his eyes. The table laughed, with mocking jabs at Finn, no longer paying attention to Rey. 

Her eyes returned to where Ben had been watching, but he was already gone.

*******

Darth Vader’s castle had a presence that was unequivocally medieval, giving honor to the past, while embracing the technology of tomorrow. Despite the burning heat just outside its walls, Kylo would feel a decidedly odd chill when he entered certain rooms. This fortress was a place of secrets and untold stories. The dark side surged through hallways as if they were the veins of a body, soaking his skin until he felt like he might never be washed clean. This place was trying to tell him something… he just wished he knew what.

His days were spent in earnest research, in one of the brightest rooms in this castle. Here the air was dry, some of these books preserved for centuries. The walls were smooth rock instead of durasteel, parts of the cliff built into Vader’s fortress. The black stone sparkled like diamonds, the pressure and heat creating something truly majestic… worthy of a leader. 

Yet, there was something overwhelmingly lonely about this place… as if this was the world in which his grandfather lost all hope. He sensed yearning and great loss. He felt a sorrow that was unending… and beyond anything he’d ever known. The walls were decorated with reminders of his grandmother all around him. Scenes from Naboo, of waterfalls, and lush green valleys. So much beauty to contrast the darkest agony.

Anakin Skywalker… he lost someone he dearly loved. His story full of unfinished and sudden endings. His life amounting to failure and defeat. Kylo was starting to realize it was yearning that had broken his spirit, prevented him from reaching his full potential. It was the loss that weakened Vader, and it was the love that made him strong. 

Kylo’s hand caressed the ancient text of the Sith, carefully reading the history of their thirst for power. He read of their rise and fall. Their greatest triumphs and most bitter defeats. In every single book he’d studied, there was a consistent, unrelenting ambition. The desire to possess unlimited power, a power to conquer anything and everything… even death. 

It was for this reason Kylo knew he was always meant to be here, being guided by his grandfather, uncovering the secrets and clues Darth Vader had left behind. Learn from his grandfather’s mistakes. Learn from the Sith’s foolish past. The Sith were no better than the Jedi in their arrogance, but their wisdom and knowledge could surely help him avoid such disastrous mistakes.

“Supreme Leader?”

Kylo twisted around in his chair to look at the uncertain Stormtrooper standing at the door. The large library of ancient knowledge was where he spent the majority of his time. He usually asked not to be disturbed unless there was an urgent matter to address. “What?”

BK-9759 stood perfectly still, his muscles tense, and senses heightened for fear that Ren might just snap at his intrusion. The other Troopers were shrewd to have sent BK-9759… he was one of the few Kylo Ren had personally fought alongside on previous missions. Not only was he a competent warrior, but he had a unique mind, and had proved to be quite valuable in the past. “Your knight… Nalek Ren has sent the latest mission report. It was marked urgent.”

“Give it here,” Kylo commanded, extending his arm as BK-9759 placed the flimsy in his hand. 

Kylo skimmed it immediately and realized his Knight’s report wasn’t on the mission at all, but on the suspicious activities of General Hux. It would be a shame if Kylo was forced to have Hux killed. The other Generals had come to respect him over anyone else. Some things simply couldn’t be avoided. Hux was a liability in more ways than one. If anyone were to find out the truth of how Supreme Leader Snoke died… Kylo’s leadership might be questioned, and his position usurped. 

“You’re dismissed, BK-9759.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” BK-9759 bowed respectfully before walking back towards the exit.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Kylo’s jaw immediately clenched, barely managing not to crush Nalek’s report. “GET OUT!” he growled at Luke, only to sigh when he watched BK-9759 pick up the pace and run for the door. Clearly the Stormtrooper was unaware who Kylo was talking to. There was no way to explain himself when it would only have his men questioning his sanity.

Luke was leaning against a nearby bookcase by Kylo’s desk, arms folded into his robes as he stared down at the book he’d just been examining. “Jedi text is usually pretty dry reading. I imagine the Sith were a lot more sensational in their recounting of history.”

“Is there truly _nothing_ else you could be doing?!” Kylo questioned, just barely keeping himself from breaking something. He dropped down Nalek’s report onto the desk, standing and walking off in search for other books. Luke had visited him several times since the first. It was starting to break him… pushing him further and further towards desperation and irrationality. 

He tried to focus on his research. There was something in particular he was looking for, though he couldn’t quite pinpoint where it might be. Darth Vader had been collecting texts about nearly every powerful Sith lord, but specifically ones who had any sort of connection to his own Master. It was possible he was just seeking the best way to overthrow Palpatine. After all, it was an inevitable choice all Sith eventually had to make. 

However, Kylo believed the research was done in order to learn certain secrets the Emperor might have been keeping from his apprentice. One of those secrets might even involve immortality or the ability to change one’s destiny. If there was a Sith lord who’d managed to gain mastery over death, surely his grandfather would have done everything to see the information brought before him.

“You can’t ignore me forever. The past catches up with us all, Ben… no matter how hard we try to ignore it.”

Kylo closed his eyes, scrambling for calm. He knew if he were to lose it here… he’d likely just end up overturning books, which would make his current search infinitely more difficult. “I’m not ignoring the past! I _embrace_ it! I learn from it!” he snarled. He whipped around towards his Uncle, his stance full of stubborn strength. “It is you and my mother that could not face the truth of our family! _You_ who denied Vader… denied your birthright!”

“And what birthright would that be, Ben? Ruler of the galaxy?” Luke scoffed.

“Grandfather was Lord over everything, second only to the Emperor!”

“MY FATHER WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A SLAVE! TRAPPED IN A NIGHTMARE OF HIS OWN MAKING!” Kylo’s jaw snapped shut, stunned to see his Uncle shout. The usual calm replaced by something almost… dark. He’d never heard Luke talk this way. “A slave on Tatooine… a slave to his passions and ambitions… a slave to the Emperor. Always a _slave_. You truly aspire to that?”

Kylo refused to answer, returning to his search. There was nothing more to be said. He never should have engaged in this pointless quarrel.

*******

It was the middle of the night when the Bond opened, and she could feel his presence warm her bed. Rey had spent several hours tossing and turning, struggling to find peace when she knew the task was impossible. So many hours kept waiting… needing. The thick blankets were wrapped tightly around her due to the chill, but she’d kept one hand free to tuck under her head.

Rey hated that she could never manage getting a full night sleep until she knew he was by her side. What was it that made it about sleeping that it was easier when he was around? She could barely make out his eyes, but his presence felt solid and comforting. Just having him beside her relaxed every single muscle. 

It was becoming a nasty habit… sleeping be each other’s sides. Like an addiction, he soothed her craving. His body tantalizing and massive in her tiny little bunk. He didn’t seem overly fond of shirts when he slept, but she was starting to get used to the view.

From her perspective it was as if they were sharing a small bit of space, forcing him closer than she would prefer. She could almost feel his breath against her face when he exhaled. The fringes of his hair hid away the scar she’d given him during their first encounter. Her hand ached to reach out and brush away the strands from his eyes. Rey was rather proud of the line that marked Ben Solo as _hers_.

“Why do you insist on keeping us apart?” Rey hated how vulnerable he made her feel. Just lying beside her and she felt powerless to his allure. Every cell in her body called to him, begged for him. There was no denying it. She didn’t even try. There was something about the night that made these revelations so much easier to share.

“You’re the one that refused me. As I recall, you didn’t even hesitate to steal back your saber. Tell me, Rey… would you have used it to strike me down?”

The question cut through her and made her eyes burn. She’d reacted on instinct after watching him cling to his foolish ideals. He couldn’t even see how his lust for power was ruining everything. “I don’t know.”

Ben didn’t flinch. He held her gaze without judgement or anger, stirring up the conflict that was already eating away at her sanity. He seemed to accept her words as if they were… prudent. As if they weren’t the ultimate betrayal after all they’d shared. Her mind drifted back to her vision and she found herself wondering if he’d come to accept his fate. The thought left her feeling cold and inexcusably tainted. “I can never be what you want me to be, Rey. I can only be what I am.”

“And what are you, Ben? I can never figure you out. You’re just so unpredictable… so difficult to read. Every choice you make… everything you say… I never understand! I must know… what are you, Ben?” It was the question that haunted her day after day. She knew his answer would never satisfy.

His eyes flickered to her lips, shifting in the bed to draw even closer. Only inches separated them now. Her body seemed to scream or sing at his proximity… desire crashing against good judgment. “The monster,” he whispered, gently. “Always a monster.”

Rey shook her head, lifting the hand between them to touch his face, finally satisfying the desire to brush back his hair. The sensation burned her skin, like nothing she’d ever known before. Everything time they touched it felt like magic… like a miracle. “No… not a monster,” she insisted. Her fingers tingled as her thumb slid over his right temple. The light of Ben Solo always swirled brightest under her touch. “Something else… I don’t know what… but definitely something else. Not quite solid… not quite ready, but I see it. I can’t _stop_ seeing it.”

Ben’s hand covered her own against his face, and his warmth sent an electric shock that throbbed at her core. “What makes you think that you can achieve what my family never could?”

A valid question, but at least that was one she _did_ have an answer for. “Because… I saw your eyes when Snoke told you to kill me. I’m the only thing you’ve ever been sure of.”

It was faint, but she caught his smile in the dark, his grip on her hand tightening. “Go to sleep, Rey. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Rey let her eyes flutter closed. Ben never made a promise he couldn’t keep.

*******

He liked watching her sleep. There was something about the way she surrendered that left him humbled. He’d seen into her mind, knew how difficult it was to let go. Nightmares and dreams were constantly calling, ripping away her peace. He’d come to her to stand guard… to protect her from being alone in the dark. His thumb gently stroking at her skin, free to show her unrestrained affection.

His Rey. His shining star. His equal in every way. The faces of her worthless parents were brushed aside as he realized what she was meant for. How could he ever possibly destroy something so beautiful? Why would he ever snuff out this precious gift? He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. His vision had to be a mistake. He would become stronger than Vader ever was. Grandfather’s sorrows would never become Kylo Ren’s.

“I love you,” he whispered in the shakiest voice. In those moments he knew it to be true. Nothing would ever matter as she did. No one would ever capture his consideration as she could. No one would ever touch his skin… and make him feel _alive_. “Rey… you’re right. There could be no one else, but you.”

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben really thinks he can have it all... poor boy has no fucking idea. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Please let me know what you all think!!!!


	4. Chapter Three:  “Something Inside Us Is Awake”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension isn’t the only thing rising….

Water did not exist on Mustafar. It was a world of violent volcanoes, lakes of fire, and eternal darkness… as close to hell as Kylo had ever seen. The clouds were heavy with ash, and rarely did he see the stars. In such a place, he felt his grandfather’s despair like an echo that refused to fade. Memories bled into his subconscious as he slept. His ears ringing from the volume of Vader’s gut-wrenching screams. Why this place? This place that had taken so much from his grandfather? 

Vibrant paintings of his love’s treasured home decorated the halls, and yet the mighty Darth Vader had built his castle in the molten rock of this miserable world. Was he punishing himself? Some sort of penance for the crime of embracing the dark? Was this what Kylo had to look forward to? The remainder of his days in solitude, holding all the power, but cursed for his greed?

Each week gallons upon gallons of water was shipped to the planet for drinking and bathing. Large caverns were dug deep into the ground to contain enough water to suit their daily needs. A cooling system and filtering system were installed to keep water from boiling, and ensure it didn’t become contaminated. Sanitation were constantly inspecting the equipment to ensure it wasn’t damaged by the harsh conditions of Mustafar… all so he might indulge in a shower. He was beginning to truly hate this place. 

Kylo closed his eyes with a sigh, letting the water drench his hair and drip down his face. His hands slid up his abdomen and chest, washing away the last remnants of soap from his pale body. He’d always preferred this way of cleansing himself. There was something soothing about the pulsing spray of water pummeling his sore muscles. He found a strange sort of peace in this quiet place of reflection. The sound of the water cascading down eased the stress coiling in his stomach. 

His private shower was tiled with black stone that glimmered with diamond dust, and grout the color of tar. It was fairly large and open, with a raised barrier to prevent the water from flooding the rest of the fresher. He’d never been fond of the claustrophobic freshers on starships. This felt more natural. He felt like he could breathe.

With a sigh he turned around and lowered his head to allow the spray to pound away at the knots collecting on his back. The relief made him moan, head swaying as he brushed wet hair from his eyes. Yet… the tension returned quickly, as an odd sensation overtook him. Immediately he froze. He was being watched. Kylo lifted his head and his eyes went straight to… _her_.

Her normally dark green eyes seemed as black as night. Face flushed. Jaw hanging open, and he could hear her quickened breath. His heart thudded in his ears, watching her stand there as still as a statue, wandering eyes taking in his form hungrily… yet horrified by her own weakness. It was bound to happen eventually, though it seemed the odds were never in _his_ favor. Twice now she’d seen him in a state of undress.

The longer she stared, the more his body began to respond. Kylo swallowed thickly as his flesh grew hot, blood rushing south, and to his everlasting shame… his cock began to harden. He didn’t bother to hide himself from her, and she didn’t look away. He’d never felt so exposed, but the heat of her gaze burned like acid in his veins. He could not have prevented this even if he tried.

They stood face to face for minutes that felt like an eternity. The pulse of water against his body did nothing to ease the tension. Rey seemed caught in a daze, unable to speak and clearly unwilling to turn away. There was a curiosity in the way she examined him, child-like… ignorant. Perhaps he might feel the same in her position. The Jedi were not taught to give in to desires of the flesh.

Kylo knew he needed to do something. To break this moment. Pull away. Hide his shameful reaction from her innocent gaze. Every nerve in his body sparked and sizzled. His bones felt like jelly, and his skin seemed far too tight. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Her eyes burned right through him, hotter than the lakes of Mustafar. What was he to do? He was trapped under her spell, with the instincts of a beast rather than a man.

Even now… bare and uncovered, he felt a strange sort of power under the surface. He’d captured her attention like never before… hypnotized her with muscle, pale flesh, and his throbbing erection. If he was a beast, that ought to make her prey. The fear in her eyes only stoked the flames. And he was… enjoying every second of it. Enjoying this power over her.

“Rey.”

Rey’s eyes snapped up to his, and the spell was broken. She clamped her jaw shut; panting, panicking, mortified by her conduct. He ought to be the one humiliated, but somehow it was she that backed away in embarrassment. “I-I didn’t mean… I’m sor-” she stuttered and shut her eyes. Her back hit the door, and he frowned as it actually rattled, but in the blink of an eye she was gone… and he was alone once again.

So… strange. This feeling. This desire. He’d never understood it before. Never known it like this. Beyond the raging hormones of teenage lust. The way she’d looked at him. Like a body of water in the Jakku desert. A thirst they were both desperate to quench. The very thought made him shudder. He knew of sex only in the context of biology, but no chemical in existence had ever made him feel like this. No woman had ever made his cock throb with need.

*******

Niima outpost was a junkyard settlement full of brutes both crude and treacherous. Rey had learned from a very early age that resilience involved more than being able to defend herself. She had to be clever to survive… nothing was quite as perilous as ignorance. She could still remember those years of hiding in shadows listening to the idle chatter of thieves and traders. The stories they would share about the daring pilot, Han Solo, had always been one of her favorites. They’d share secrets about locations good for scavenging, and tricks to avoid triggering automated systems built-in to prevent tampering.

Only… sometimes their conversations would drift to uncomfortable subjects. Conquests of pleasure, filled with the filthiest language, each lewd detail turning her stomach in revulsion. The things they described that they would do to males and females… she’d desired no part of it, and certainly not with the scum she was so often exposed to. Even touch had become repulsive to her. She regretted the harsh words flung at Finn, just for the innocent act of reaching for her hand. She’d been conditioned to distrust, to isolate; all in an effort to avoid being just another conquest by those disgusting creatures she’d spied on. She was safer on her on. She’d thought she liked it that way.

It was the memories of those conversations that haunted Rey now, when she’d come face to face with Ben Solo’s naked body. She hadn’t meant to… _stare_ , when the Force Bond opened so suddenly between her and Ben. He’d stood so tall, his form massive, water spilling down his back. Muscles had rippled and flexed as he caressed his body, washing away the grime and suds of soap. The scar from Chewbacca’s bowcaster drawing her attention first, before she’d noticed the stirring of his manhood from the heat of her gaze.

Nothing had ever prepared her for this. The way her center throbbed in reaction to his arousal. Her thighs actually clenching just to ease the emptiness inside. This rush of wetness dripping from her core that had nothing to do with menstruation. Her heart was pounding, face flushed, and to her everlasting shame her eyes had drank in the sight. He’d spoken her name, breaking her focus, but the images never faded. In fact, it was just the opposite, they only fueled something more.

That night she’d dreamed of Ben walking towards her from under the spray, pressing her body firmly against his till she was practically surrounded by _him_. He’d ducked down low whispering all those filthy things that used to horrify her just a few years ago. His body rocked against her stomach, making sure she felt his desire, urging her to touch him… feel how he wanted her. Dripping water over her clothes until she was soaked and trembling. 

Dreams turned to fantasies. Her mind racing with scenarios in which she’d stripped her clothes off too, hands exploring the expanse of his chest, tracing the scar she’d gave him… tasting the water dripping off his skin. How would it have felt to have him touch her like that? His hands on her chest, down her stomach, between her legs. So much more intimate than anything she’d ever experienced before. How would his cock feel buried within?

Rey felt _wrong_. Disgusted with herself… for lusting after someone like Ben. Actually _longing_ to be his conquest, and give relief to this yearning deep inside. Maker… she just felt so empty now. Instinctually, she knew only he could give her what she desired most, but how could she ever want someone like Kylo Ren?! He’d _watched_ her as she’d stood there. Caught her just as aroused as him. _Wanting_. Nothing about this feeling could possibly save Ben’s soul. Lust and passion… greed, qualities that only led down the path towards the dark side. She was desperate for peace. She needed to find control. 

Yet, in the night she found herself always dreaming, her fingers trying to fulfill a need only he could satisfy. Nothing else would do. No other man would compare. Sobs ripped through her body as she’d clean her hand and dream of his touch. So confused. So off balance. No one ever around that could explain what was happening to her. Why suddenly now this need was arising when it never had before.

Days turned to weeks, with very little sleep. Occasionally the Bond would open, but she refused to meet his eyes. They never spoke. Always distant. It only made the craving worse. She hated how he accepted this, never even pushed. How was she ever going to save Ben if she couldn’t even face him? Yet, what if it was these impure desires that would eventually lead her to take his life?

*******

_Weeks_. She hasn’t looked upon him in weeks. The space between them growing wider and wider until he could scarcely remember her the sound of her voice. Rey. Had he truly committed so great a sin? So much blood on his hands, but it was his naked form that had finally driven her away from him? He disgusted her. Or perhaps he’d simply made her realize the folly of their connection, and the disgust was with herself. Either way… he was alone.

His lightsaber crackled angrily, glowing red in the shadows of the fresher. His eyes burning holes into the dark shimmering shower. With the deepest breath, top lip quivering, he slashed at the rock with all his might. The cut sliced through neatly like the scar on his face. It only made him angrier. Kylo bellowed out a scream as more slices melted into the brick. He wouldn’t rest until it was reduced to nothing, a worthless and jagged mess… just like his heart.

“Redecorating?”

Kylo whirled around at the sound of his Uncle’s voice, his blue glow clashing with red light. “LEAVE ME!” he snarled, though he knew it would do him no good.

“You’re always in such a jolly mood, Ben… I’m thinking it’s the uplifting views.”

Kylo ripped the mirror hanging from the wall, flinging it towards Luke’s face. Of course, it only passed right through and smashed against the wall. Next he turned to the sink, pulling it right out of its foundation. Pipes burst, covering him with water, but he couldn’t stop… even if he wanted to. He’d reached his limit, and only exhaustion would pacify him now.

His lightsaber melted the pipes as he hacked away at them, and the burst of water was reduced to a drip. His lightsaber shut off and he slipped it back on his belt. He could no longer breathe… soaked in water and sweat. His hair hung over his right eye, stinging it with salt. Kylo’s legs lost power and he dropped hard to his knees, panting and gasping, the will to fight leaving just as quickly as it’d overcome him. His eyes shut as Skywalker sighed, “Oh Ben….”

Kylo leaned back towards the wall, letting his legs stretch out over the glass. A strange calm finally settled over him. He surveyed the mess he’d caused, fully satisfied to see it brought to ruin, as if somehow this room were being punished for his own crimes against Rey. It took several minutes for him to catch his breath. His chest rose and fell slowly, and his eyelids felt heavy. 

Slowly he pulled himself up, his eyes narrowing as he faced Skywalker. He sneered in derision as he stepped towards his Uncle, finally finding his voice again now that his rage had been satisfied. “That night… when you stood over me with your lightsaber… your only mistake was in hesitating.” 

Rey called him a monster. It seemed nothing had changed.

*******

“I’ve seen that look before.” Rey’s head snapped up as she watched Leia Organa braiding her hair for bed. She was sitting at a small desk with a long mirror attached, making sure everything was tucked away tight. “In a mirror when I was about your age,” she clarified.

Rey immediately blushed, nervously spinning her eating utensil between her fingers. They’d taken dinner in their quarters tonight, because this would be their last night together. During the meal they’d occupied themselves with stories about Master Skywalker in his prime. The General managed to get through the entire evening without shedding a single tear, and insisted on sharing some Corellian Brandy that Maz had gotten her as a gift. 

The large quarters were meant for senior officers of the Resistance, and Rey had been sleeping in a separate bedroom that was meant to be the General’s private office. More rooms had been built throughout the base to accommodate the new recruits pouring in from systems under the First Order’s thumb. Rey’s new quarters would be right next to Leia’s, so at least she wasn’t going very far.

She felt the familiar twist in her belly, as Ben’s eyes flashed through her memories. It felt wrong to think about his glistening wet body, when his own mother was sitting only a few feet away. “What look?” she asked, setting the utensil aside so she could hand Leia her robe. Rey had been sitting next to it on the ottoman at the foot of the General’s bed.

Leia huffed, giving her a pointed look. “For several weeks now you’ve looked like a ghost wandering these corridors. Dameron tells me you’re not eating. Finn’s worried about you too… and frankly, so am I. Your mind is occupied, Rey; and don’t you dare tell me it’s about your training. We both know that’s not true. This is something else.”

Rey hated how observant the General could be. Now more than ever. She wasn’t prepared for this conversation. She didn’t even know where to begin. What would Leia think of her… if she knew the truth? Knew the primal desires swirling inside her mind? How could she possibly explain without revealing the Bond? 

Her eyes were already welling up with tears, though, and Leia stood and wrapped an arm around her as she led them both to the ottoman. This secret was just piling on, growing so heavy Rey’s body was being crushed. There was no one to turn to… no one who could possibly understand. There was a war being fought inside her, and she feared which side might come out the winner.

“What’s his name, Rey?” she quietly asked. The young Jedi’s eyes widened in surprised, but Leia just rubbed her back and smiled smugly. “That look… like you’d prefer to fill your heart with duracrete than allow whoever he is worm his way in.”

An apt description if ever she’d heard one, but Rey was afraid it was a little too late for that now. She was tied to him. Wound so tightly against his soul that even the slightest movement just made it that much more difficult to breathe. She couldn’t escape him, and worse yet, she didn’t _want_ to. What kind of Jedi could she ever hope to be? “He’s dangerous.”

“Men usually are.”

Rey shook her head and stood up, arms wrapped around herself, struggling to find order to her thoughts. “He’s not most men!”

Leia’s eyes quirked up curiously, head tilted gently to the side. Rey turned away from the older woman, unable to stand the scrutiny while having this conversation. “Sounds serious. I’ve only known one to fit that description. I married him.”

This was cruel. Rey lowered her eyes and held herself even tighter than before. “This is different.”

“How so?”

“We weren’t meant for that!” Rey growled angrily, her arms finally dropping to her sides. More tears were escaping, and she wiped at them furiously. “I can’t feel that! Not for him!”

“You already do,” Leia insisted.

Rey whirled around, suddenly angry, all the frustration of the last few weeks crashing against her till she trembled. “No! I thought… I felt something… but it was all a lie! A manipulation! He’s toying with me! Trying to confuse me! I won’t turn!”

“Rey!” Leia stood, reaching out to touch Rey’s cheek. Her eyes roved back and forth, until Rey could stand it no longer and looked away. Why couldn’t she stop crying? Why couldn’t she get him out of her head? She’d tried studying the Jedi textbooks, but she’d found absolutely nothing on this connection between her and Ben. “Tell me what’s going on. There’s a war raging out there, and I need you… we need you. Please….”

_Please_. She’d heard that word before. She was helpless to stop the barrage of memories that filled her mind whenever she heard that word now. _Please_. So polite while begging her to turn her back on everything she believed in. It broken her every time she realized how close she’d been to accepting… giving in to that word. _Please_.

“Who could possibly do this to you?” Leia questioned, her voice so gentle as she brushed away Rey’s tears. “Rey, who?”

Her voice cracked as the floodgates opened. “Your son….”

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story get's a bit angsty, but Luke's trying his best to lighten the mood. These kids are so dramatic. Comments are not only welcome, but sorely needed! I hope you guys are enjoying this story!


	5. Chapter Four:  “Breaking The Silence”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo finally unburden themselves…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this last night, but my internet was out! It was quite horrible, but I'm in recovery now... *sniff*

The glass crunched under his boots as Kylo exited the fresher, and back into the darkness of his room. Vader’s private quarters were built without windows, and although Kylo had made some modifications, he hadn’t been inclined to install any. He preferred the low-lighting similar to what he’d had on Snoke’s ship. What would be the point in windows, when all he could see was the red glow of flowing lava and smog? Mustafar was an intimidating place, well-suited for the lost souls haunting this castle. The dark side prevailed here, and yet Kylo still struggled in his efforts to embrace it. He feared nowhere was safe to heal his conflicted heart.

"I didn't hesitate." He'd thought he was alone, but the voice came from just outside his fresher door. His Uncle's hands were buried in his robes and there was an odd determined frown upon his face. He'd seen that look before, in another life Kylo tried so hard to forget. That was the look of a Master who refused to know when to quit.

"What?"

"I didn't hesitate that night. I stopped myself. Sanity returned to me... but at a cost."

“A cost?!” Is that what Luke wanted to call it? Waking up to the green glow of his own Uncle’s lightsaber; the final act that drove him into the waiting embrace of an equally cruel Master. Kylo dropped to his bed, and scoffed, eyes narrowed. There was too much distrust between them to accept his words as anything but twisted lies. "Why were you even there that night?"

"To confront you," Luke answered.

"You can't _confront_ the unconscious!" he snarled, baring his teeth as he spoke. The well of hate still pooled inside him, and the dark side disturbed it’s stillness in his belly.

"I saw the darkness in your mind, Ben. I feared the suffering you'd cause. You… there was so much… so much of Vader in you. I reached for my weapon-"

Kylo roared, "YOU ATTACKED ME!"

"It was instinct, Ben! _Weakness_! The reaction of a man, not a Master!"

"And as my Uncle? What part does he play in all this?!" Perhaps that’s what stung the worst… that his mother had entrusted him in Luke’s care, and he’d been more than willing to end the life of his own family. Who was there to turn to, if not even blood seemed to matter?

"He's the person that stands before you today, Ben! I'm not here to save you! I'm not here to condemn or judge! I'm simple an Uncle who wishes more than anything to see you find peace!"

Kylo laughed, humorlessly. His eyes lifted skyward at Luke words. "You waste your time with that, I can assure you!"

"No! No, Ben!" Skywalker shook his head and took several steps closer, making Kylo tense. "My time with you is never a waste! Rey opened my eyes to your conflict! She showed me the folly of my ways. I hid from my failures on that island! I only lost you when I gave up on this fight! And now look at you... we're more alike than you think! Why are you here, Ben?"

Kylo was finished, his breaths uneven as his Uncle's words stirred up the worst of his rage. He wanted solitude from this demon. He longed to watch his past cast off into the flames. "Leave me!"

"Why are you here, Ben?! What is it you seek? What do you think you'll find?"

"I said leave!" Kylo growled, standing up, fists clenched.

Luke refused, closing the distance between them even more. "You can't even say it can you?! Can't bear to admit the truth!"

"There is no truth to admit!"

"Isn't there?! I find you buried in dusty books and ripping up freshers! I'm quite sure those things take priority as the new Supreme Leader of the First Order! Do you plan on destroying all freshers in the galaxy? Is that the new policy?"

"LEAVE ME!" Kylo screamed, so loudly it felt like the ground shook beneath him. His eyes shined with unshed tears, betraying the true feelings swirling in his gut. “LEAVE NOW!”

Luke, not to be outdone, shouted just as loud, causing more of the ground to shudder. "NOT UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU LOVE HER!"

Silence.

Kylo felt as if all the air had been ripped from this planet in seconds. His eyes widened, stumbling back, fists shaking with the weight of those words. This was worse than being naked. It felt as if Luke had cut away the skin from his bones. His insides exposed to every manner of pestilence till he felt every organ cease to function.

Luke held his gaze, unwavering, and he was transported to the days of Ben Solo. The way his Master had always aimed straight to the chest, to the heart and lungs, till Ben was left with nothing to hold on to. It seemed even now he would always remain nothing more than a mere boy under Luke Skywalker's shadow.

"I love her." His voice quivered and shook with each uttered word, and the tears slipped freely down his face. “I love Rey. I came here to save her… if only from myself.”

Luke's eyes softened immediately, acknowledging his confession with a nod. "And that, Ben, is what brings _me_ here."

*******

Leia Organa’s silence was the loudest thing Rey had ever heard. It filled her ears with such pounding pressure that she wondered if she’d ever hear sound again. The gentle hands that had rested so sweetly on her cheeks slowly dropped away as she watched Leia widen the gap between them. Again Rey found herself wrapping her arms around her body, as if somehow she could prevent herself from falling apart like this. She felt ruined under the older woman’s gaze, as if something special between them had shattered.

Her sob was disgracefully loud, if only to fill the deafening quiet. She found herself trapped in memories of Jakku, watching her parents leave her behind… _worthless child_. Would Leia cast her off too? There was an emptiness in Organa’s eyes. The distance between them growing and growing, until Rey was afraid she might summon the man himself in her desperate need for connection. “I… I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know how!”

Leia swallowed, dropping to her ottoman, as if she’d lost the use of her legs. “When… could you have possibly-” her voice dropped unfinished as she shook her head. “What aren’t you telling me, Rey?”

Rey sniffed, wiping at her eyes, struggling for control. Leia needed answers, _deserved_ answers. Maybe she’d understand if she knew everything? Maybe… Rey didn’t have to face this alone? Her eyes dropped to the floor, pacing back and forth, uncertain where to start. How could she explain how quickly things had spiraled… how quickly _she_ had spiraled? All because of this curse she’d come to treasure like a blessing.

“I-I think it started when he took me….” Rey unraveled the heart-wrenching story of her and Ben like red thread tightly wound around her heart. With each added detail she felt her chest expand, the lies suffocating her finally being exposed and set free. The confusion she felt when he did the unexpected. The conflict inside when she saw his inner torment. His rich and alluring eyes that were so full of compassion and unfit for the monster she’d perceived him to be. 

“Somehow… not long after Starkiller base… our minds were linked through the Force. Not like you and Luke. This was _so_ different, Leia. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before.” Rey felt the gentle beating in her chest quicken as she described that first time on Ahch-To when he’d appeared. How that day had spiraled, uncovering secrets about Skywalker’s shameful act of betrayal. The tenderness in his gaze as she confessed her loneliness, and his voice… so achingly gentle, as he assured her that she was not alone. 

“Do you remember that night? When I told you of my vision? It isn’t the first time I’ve had one about Ben.” Their touch, his hand to hers, like seeing the heavens unfold before her eyes. The shape of his future, solid and clear, giving rise to hopes she’d never fathomed. It was this that had moved her to action, luring her to his domain prematurely, in the hopes of finishing what Han had tried to accomplish.

“He could have killed me… striked me down, but instead the lightsaber cut through Snoke. When I hurried to my feet, his lightsaber ignited, and for a brief moment we fought side by side.” His body against hers, as they were surrounded by guards, their movements so in sync it felt as if they’d merged into one flesh. Her stomach tightened at the memory of her hand caressing his thigh. The look he gave her as the last man fell at their feet.

“He was offering me the galaxy as I begged him to walk away. He said I was _nothing_ , but not to him. His gloved hand hung between us, but when I reached out it was the lightsaber I aimed to hold. I was afraid… afraid for the Resistance, afraid of what Ben would do if I said _no_.” The struggle between them put a strain on the durasteel hilt, until the blast flung them away from each other, as if the Force itself had chosen to separate them. “I saw him lying on the floor... vulnerable. I could have ended this then and there. Instead, I simply ran. I knew then that this wasn’t over. I… was weak. Unable or unwilling to do what needed to be done.”

Leia had asked no questions, never interrupted her story… not once. When Rey braved a look towards Ben’s mother, it felt like she was witnessing the personification of sorrow and regret. A wrinkled hand rubbed across the older woman’s face, her sigh filling the silence as Rey hesitated to go on. “This Bond between you and my son… it’s continuing to connect you two even now?”

Rey nodded. Her eyes drifted down in embarrassment when she spoke of the intimacy of their nights. His comforting presence beside her, so willing to guard her dreams from the scars within. How he watched from a distance when she was with friends, content just to see her well. The shock to her system when she saw him showering, and she realized their true desires. “The two visions I’ve seen… his return to the light… his violent death… I don’t know which to believe. The only thing I do know… is the possibilities might be up to me.”

She waited. Waited and waited. Hoping she’d not made a mistake. Rey felt so much lighter without this burden, and yet she knew something worse could easily crush her. It was up to Leia Organa to decide how to proceed. “You are to tell no one about this Force Bond,” she finally spoke. “No one must know you’ve been compromised like this.”

“I’m not compromised-” she began to protest.

“Oh, but you are, Rey! You are!” Leia insisted, firmly. “What if the Bond opens during meetings about our activities… or while discussing our location?! I realize he’s my son, and it’s clear to me that there’s strong feelings between you two, but that doesn’t mean he won’t hesitate to destroy us. The dark side is unpredictable. There’s no telling what Ben might do.”

Leia’s voice wasn’t harsh, but the words she spoke still felt like a swift blow to her chest. What if General Organa was right?! What if she was a danger to everyone she cared about? “What do I do?”

The General dropped a hand to the ottoman, and Rey immediately moved to sit beside the older woman. Leia’s eyes held her; and suddenly there was a strange light that wasn’t there before… brightening her face. “All we ever needed was a spark to hope. The spark of the Resistance. The spark that lights a fire in Ben. _You_ Rey… I need you to be that spark.”

“How?” Rey pressed. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that!”

“You’re already doing it,” Leia insisted. “The man you described is nothing like the creature Snoke created. It was Kylo Ren that killed Han… _not_ my son. I know you’re afraid, but I’m willing to bet, so is he. It was Luke that taught me love conquers hate… and Rey… I need to believe that’s still true.”

“You really think Ben Solo can be saved?” Rey questioned. “Even now?”

Leia smiled at her, hands gathering up Rey’s, and warming her skin. “Oh Rey… _especially_ now. Thank you, my dear… thank you for giving me back my hope.”

*******

Rey felt it, the moment he was beside her, pulling her from the thoughts racing through her mind. Leia seemed so certain that she was the key to helping Ben, but could it ever be that simple? It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried. The risk of damage to her sanity for his sake left her feeling cold and almost… used. Leia was putting too much faith in her. He was the one that needed to choose. She couldn’t make that choice for him.

Ben Solo was so still beside her that she’d tilted her head for fear he’d stopped breathing. His eyes remained focused on the ceiling, reflecting a harsh florescent light. He was in bed, but fully dressed, even keeping his boots on. Her heart sunk in disappointment at the leather gloves covering his hands. 

Rey waited for him to acknowledge her, but his eyes remained fixed on the light above. Perhaps it was his turn to ignore _her_. It wasn’t as if she didn’t deserve it. How could she possibly breech the subject of her embarrassment without revealing too much of her true feelings? She wasn’t ready to speak of something she barely understood.

Her eyes took in his face; his full lips were redder than usual, his jaw was clenched so tight, and she found herself strangely transfixed by the subtle flair of his nostrils as he took slow and steady breaths. His hair was always wavy and thick, her hands itching to feel the softness of his mane. If she concentrated she could almost catch the scent of exotic berries and honeymilk. Leia’s hair smelled the same.

His face was soft and unusual, almost too innocent for the terrible things he’d done. She could only see the side of his face that remained undamaged, and a tiny bit of his ear poking through his thick hair. He looked so young for his age; it was hard to see a villain without his mask. All she saw was Leia’s eyes, Han’s crooked nose… and plush lips that were meant to be kissed. “You’re so beautiful.” 

Ben’s head snapped to the side, eyes wide as he finally met her gaze. He looked genuinely surprised by her words, how strange… was he really so ignorant of his charms? He’d seemed so much more confident in that shower. Rey’s eyebrows wrinkled, and she shifted on her side. She hadn’t exactly meant to say the words out loud, but she found she didn’t really regret them at all. Ben Solo incapable of speech; it felt gratifying to throw _him_ off balance for once.

Rey wasn’t sure what it was about the night that made her brave. It was too easy to confess her feelings to him under the cover of darkness. “I’m scared,” she whispered with a sigh. “I’m scared of this war… scared of hurting you… scared that before this is over I truly will be alone.”

His eyes lower to her mouth briefly, licking his lips, before he finally met her gaze once again. “And yet… you’re not scared of me?”

“No.”

“You should be,” he assured her.

Rey huffed, shifting closer to him on the bed. Ben tilted his head back as her forehead pressed into his shoulder. It only proved her point, how he adjusted for her, giving into her without protest when she chose to draw close. The mighty Kylo Ren… what would his Generals think if they knew he cuddled with the enemy? Next she tugged off his left glove, linking their hands. No visions tonight, for which she was most relieved.

The fluttering in her stomach returned, and her core throbbed at his proximity. The image of his wet body would not be fading away anytime soon. Leia had insisted she be given an implant ‘just in case,’ though the implication had made her blush long after they’d finished their conversation. There was still so much about this that she didn’t understand… about sexual desire, about feelings, about what it meant to be intimate. Those were subjects an isolated scavenger never needed when all that mattered was survival.

She knew in time it would all make sense. One day this tension between them would finally settle, satisfied. Leia seemed to believe that what they were sharing was something special. All Rey knew, was he was here… always by her side when she felt alone. When they touched it felt like… belonging, and Maz’s promise didn’t seem quite so far away. 

Ben took a deep breath as his thumb caressed her hand where they were linked, and her lips curled in a sleepy smile at his easy affection. “You… ignored me for weeks. I thought I’d disgusted you.”

“No… just the opposite. That’s why I stayed away.”

“Because you were scared?”

This wasn’t the time for that conversation. Her confession to Leia had settled many of her concerns, but it’d also given her new things to consider. Rey closed her eyes and curled even more into his warmth. “I’m cold.”

She felt him pull his hand away from hers, tugging her into his side. She didn’t even hesitate. It was strange how solid he felt against her… this Bond was usually powerful. Every time they touched it was as if they were pulled across time and space. This projection in her mind bending light and atoms until it as if she’d truly summoned him to her bed. “Rey?”

“Yes?” she mumbled into his chest, feeling herself drift into his embrace.

“I… you should know… I’m scared too.”

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are soooooo much love!


	6. Chapter Five:  “The Supreme Leader Is Wise”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sharks are circling….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Enjoy an update as you greet 2018!

The sneer of General Armitage Hux, it was starting to grow tiresome. He never thought he’d miss the heated smog of Mustafar, but the beasts were circling… waiting to find weakness in Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader needed to be seen, to stand amongst the Stormtroopers and Officers. Forced to leave the castle, he’d had the libraries of Mustafar brought to his ship, to the _Supremacy_. No matter where his duties pulled him, he would continue in his fight against any destiny that might turn him against Rey.

Nalek Ren stood quietly at his side while he faced the General. His presence was comforting, but just barely, nothing like the ease he felt when the Force Bond summoned his love. The other knights were spread across his forces, feeding him vital information, revealing the discord of the people under the First Order’s thumb. The Resistance remained silent and still, but Kylo well knew the spark of rebellion was spreading like a disease. His enemies on all sides, this was not a puzzle easily solved. 

Repairs had been made to what used to be Snoke’s vessel… and the large curtain of Snoke’s old throne room once again glowed red. He’d hand-picked Stormtroopers to stand as guards over him… including BK-9759 and several others that he’d ensured were loyal to him. He had to tread so carefully now that he’d taken power. His vulnerabilities were many, and General Hux was well-aware of his greatest weakness… that of the scavenger girl that had so quickly entranced him in the forests of Takodana. If he were to learn of their Bond… that would surely lead to Kylo’s ruin.

A move against the rebels was to strike against Rey. There seemed no end to the conflict striking at his conscious. His only options were to take each enemy one at a time. How to deal with General Hux? That was the question that plagued his mind. No doubt Hux already knew the truth about Snoke, he was far too clever for a clumsy lie spoken in haste. Oh… there could be no doubt, beasts circling and the one leading them all… led with that insufferable sneer.

“I have a new task for you, General. There is a bigger threat here than what’s left of the Resistance. The First Order will not be destroyed by something as simple as hope.”

“We are already beginning construction on a _new_ Starkiller base. The command was given by Supreme Leader Snoke himself.” Hux’s eyes flashed with a psychopathic thirst for blood, the same look Kylo had seen as he’d spoke of ending the Republic. 

No! Kylo’s hands tightened into fists. _Never again_. “You would have the Supreme Leader rule with yet another weapon, but weapons can be destroyed… just as what we saw happen to the first Starkiller base.”

“With all _due_ respect… without fear we cannot rule. The planets we now control will never yield if there is nothing to remind them of their place. They must be subjugated.” The irritation in the General’s voice made Kylo’s teeth grind together, straining his jaw.

“Supreme Leader Snoke was wise, but the Empire fell because they tried to crush the spirit of this galaxy. The reign of Emperor Palpatine and Lord Vader lasted decades. I intend for mine to last generations. I have no reason to crush… not when _I_ can be their hope.”

Again with that sneer of disgust. “And how, might I ask… do you plan to do that?”

Kylo Ren held Hux’s gaze, pushing off from the throne where Snoke’s body was sliced in half. He walked towards the General with careful steps, calculating, studying the General’s face. Such a self-serving coward… he was inclined to kill him now and be done with it, but Snoke had kept him around for a reason. He was clever, _useful_ , and at least Kylo knew what to expect from Hux. “We strip their planets… seize their mines to feed our greed. We take and give nothing back. I have no need for gold robes, General-”

“Do you honestly mean you wish to-”

“Do NOT interrupt me, General!” Kylo growled, just barely containing his urge to cut off the other man’s air supply. “The Resistance gains support because we are the enemy of the people, but there is no need to rebel if the people no longer cry out. The First Order was meant to bring peace to a galaxy of corruption and chaos. To bring order… not unnecessary cruelty.”

Hux scoffed. “They will view the First Order as weak! You honestly think they won’t take advantage of our… generosity?!”

“You will be implementing these new changes, General.”

“The First Order destroyed the Republic because it was _pathetic_. Their government lacked the strength to properly rule over this galaxy! The systems under our control BOW BEFORE US! Supreme Leader Snoke-”

Hux yelped as Ren summoning his body roughly with the Force. Kylo’s large hand wrapped around the General’s neck. He took great pleasure in watching the man’s eyes widen in panic. “His name will not be mentioned again by you or anyone else in my presence!” Kylo seethed. “I am your Supreme Leader now and you’ll soon learn some respect! I know your mind, General. You lust for power. Follow my orders as I have directed and you will _finally_ receive the rewards you’ve coveted for so long… Grand Marshal Hux. I believe you would find that rank most pleasing… would you not?” 

He watched the General’s eyes flash with true understanding. Ren loosened his grip on the General to allow him to speak. “As you command… Supreme Leader.” 

Kylo flung Hux roughly to the floor at his feet, watching him slowly stand and straighten his uniform. His back was stiff, head raised high, but Ren was pleased to see him finally bow. “Nalek Ren will assist you and ensure that you follow my changes in haste. We will start with one system and monitor the situation. Do not think me a fool. I will be taking precautions to ensure the First Order is still feared throughout this galaxy.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Dismissed,” he said, watching Hux rise from his bow. His turn was precise as he walked away, leaving the throne room quickly. 

The moment he was gone, Nalek swiftly spoke his mind. “It will not be enough to sway him from his aims.”

“No,” Kylo agreed, “but at least it buys us time….”

*******

“Have you heard the news?”

“What news?” Finn asked, crunching on several fresh fruits smuggled out from Felusia, deep in First Order territory. Rey’s lips curled faintly as he consumed each bite without even bothering to wipe the juices dripping down his chin. He wasn’t usually such a messy eater, not nearly as bad as her, but he’d grown lax in his manners since associating with rebels.

“The latest news coming out of the territories under the First Order,” Poe specified with a quirk of his eyebrows. He seemed eager to share, practically bouncing with nervous energy, dropping down across from Finn in the dining hall with his plate of food.

Rose brightened almost immediately as Poe joined them, but Rey’s look was far wearier. Since coming to the realization that she might be compromised, Rey had been distancing herself from any intel regarding the movements of the Resistance. The less she knew, the better. If Poe’s news had anything to do with spies spread out through Ben’s fleet, she was the last person that should know about it. 

Finn paused, using his sleeve to clean his face, and took a sip of his water. “Okay… I’ll bite. What’s going on?”

Poe leaned over his food towards the three, seemingly to avoid anyone overhearing. “We’ve been losing support from several systems deep in the First Order. Word is Supreme Leader Ren has been making some big changes to how things are being run. Giving people back their land, their property, freeing slaves in the mines to work with proper wages. There’s even talk that he’s providing funds to help people rebuild their businesses… so they stand on their own two feet. They’ve still implemented curfews and the like, but fines are replacing harsher punishments. Some say he intends for all First Order systems to run this way.”

Finn snorted. “You must be joking! Never thought I’d see the day when Kylo Ren becomes the man of the people?”

“The murderous bastard killed his own father, but now he wants to be a benevolent leader?” Rose questioned, nose wrinkling in disbelief. “You shouldn’t pay so much attention to gossip, Poe.”

Once again Rey found herself stuck in an impossible situation. Her friends knew nothing of the man she’d become intimately aware of. They hated him with a passion, and believed Rey to feel the same. It was always so difficult to endure their constant snide remarks at Ben’s expense. All they saw was an ill-tempered monster that the heroic Luke Skywalker had humiliated back on Crait. Kylo Ren was no better than Snoke in their eyes… deserving of death for his crimes. Each time they spoke his name, Rey felt like she was betraying Ben with her silence.

“Look, I’m only telling you what’s been spreading around the base ever since we got that shipment from Felusia. Some of our people hidden within the First Order systems are being turned in by the very people they’re trying to liberate!” Dameron griped with a wave of his hand. “They actually think things in the First Order are changing for the better!”

Rey chewed on her bottom lip, staring down at her food. It was a lot to take in at once. If this rumor were true, it would be further proof that Ben Solo was still finding his way back to the light. There was a strange sort of pride swirling in her belly at the idea that he’d not chosen to follow the dark and destructive path of Snoke. Yet his aims surely had not changed… the Resistance was still his primary enemy. This war was far from over.

“They really think the First Order is better than establishing freedom through-out the galaxy?!” Rose questioned, angrily.

Finn shrugged. “As long as their bellies are full and they aren’t being mistreated… let’s face it… most don’t have the stomach to stand up against the First Order.”

“You did!” Rose insisted, turning towards the ex-Stormtrooper. “Finn, there must be more like you… willing to see through this little act. The First Order’s probably building another Starkiller base as we speak! They’re just giving the people what they want to bide time until their construction work is complete!”

Rey sighed loudly, catching the attention of her friends. Three sets of eyes turning towards her with expectant looks, waiting for her to weigh in on this debate. She immediately frowned. Defending Ben would get her nowhere, but she couldn’t endure this conversation any longer. They knew absolutely nothing about the man now leading the First Order. “Maybe… maybe he isn’t the man we think he is,” she offered, hoping it was vague enough that they wouldn’t probe further.

Poe rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he was all heart-eyes and love sonnets as he was ripping my mind open to get the map to Skywalker….”

“And when he sliced up my back,” added Finn, turning his focus back to his food. “A cuddly loth-cat just waiting for someone to adopt him and take him home.”

Rose smirked, glancing at the boys before she shifted her focus to Rey. “Personally, I hope you’re right. These changes are sure to ruffle the feathers of more fanatical Generals and officers within the First Order. They’ll see him as weak. He’s put a target on his back. Eventually, someone will make a move to usurp him, and in the chaos the Resistance could do a lot of damage. It might even be the key to their downfall like what happened with the Empire.”

Rey almost shuddered at the delight in her eyes. Rose was eager to see the First Order hurt, but she’d never been particularly keen to see anyone dead. What if she was right? What if Ben’s return to the light inevitably got him assassinated by his own men? “Excuse me,” Rey muttered, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach.

“Rey?” Finn called out. 

She ignored him, just barely resisting the urge to run out of the dining hall at full speed. Rey wasn’t even sure where she was going. She just knew she had to get away from her friends, away from the horrifying reality of this war… and what it was doing to both her and Ben. She wanted it all to stop. The guilt eating at her, the pressures heaped upon her, the desires of her heart whenever she was in Ben’s arms. Why couldn’t it all just go away? She couldn’t stand this anymore….

*******

“I’m worried we’ll lose him before we’ve even had a chance to save him.”

Leia sucked in a breath, but didn’t turn around. Her brother’s voice was unmistakable. It wasn’t the first time he’d appeared to her, though she loathed how he’d show up unannounced. How many times had she told him not to sneak up on her? Her heart couldn’t take many more surprises. She kept her gaze focused on the ring she’d been sliding off her finger. Worth more money than most people realized… it’d serve the Resistance well one day when it was her time to move on.

“I’ve heard he’s left Mustafar.”

Luke took a seat on her ottoman. She could see him in the reflection of her desk’s mirror. “He took the libraries with him. He’s determined to see that his vision doesn’t come to pass. He loves her, Leia.”

“And she loves him,” Leia confirmed. “Rey won’t say it, of course, but I can see it in her eyes. It’s tearing her up inside.”

“And him.”

Leia dropped the gold ring onto the small desk, along with several others of different design. Some were made of Alderaanian stones, others were connected to kin from Naboo. She carefully unclipped her hair, watching it fall to her shoulders, framing her face in brown and gray. “He’s vulnerable.”

Luke’s long robes hid away his hands, tucked away out of habit she supposed. The synthetic hand that had replaced what Vader took was now gone. As a being of pure energy, perception was his to bend. Although he appeared with a body that looked of flesh and bone… with two hands to match, he seemed deeply troubled whenever he looked upon them and didn’t see the mechanical replacement. “His life is in grave danger, Leia. Rey is our only hope.”

“If anyone can bring him to his senses… it’s her.” Leia turned in her stool to face her brother, lips curled in a fond smile. “They just need time to sort out their feelings.”

“Time they haven’t got,” Luke grumbled. “When the time comes for Ben Solo to run… it’s Rey that must go to him.”

Leia huffed. “It’s one thing to play matchmaker, Luke… it’s quite another to force Rey down this path. She needs to _choose_ him.” She was so tired. Her chest struggling to fill with air, still damaged from her exposure to space. Eventually, her time would come as it had with Luke. She just hoped she wouldn’t be leaving a mess in the wake of her passing. “All I can do is support her… give her someone to talk to… like what I’d had.”

“I think you might have had it easier. Han Solo was never a complicated man,” Luke snickered.

Leia’s smile was sad, but it was a smile just the same. “Oh… he had his moments.”

She couldn’t help thinking of what her life had been like when she’d first known Han. At least they’d been fighting for the same side. Han certainly had his own agendas to be sure, but they’d fought together, protected each other… their love had grown through a common goal. What Rey and Ben shared was different. The Force was pulling them together in ways Leia had never seen. They fought against each other, yet that desire to protect each other was still present… and their love seemed founded on a deep desire for connection.

Even when Ben was a boy there were few he’d ever really felt comfortable with… few he’d ever trusted. For some reason Rey had her son’s full attention. He reached out for her in ways he’d never done with anyone else, and certainly not with his family. “I just want my son back, Luke.”

Luke slid off the ottoman to the floor and reached out to take her hands. “I know you do….”

“You could have told me, you know…” Leia criticized, lowering her gaze to meet Luke’s eyes. A surge of frustration and bitterness squeezing at her heart. She’d always suspected her brother had done something drastic to have caused Ben Solo’s turn. Rey’s re-telling of that night… it was so much worse than she’d ever imagined. She struggled to make peace with his actions, haunted by memories of Darth Vader’s cruelty. No one could possibly understand what Luke had gone through when he faced their father. That kind of damage didn’t just go away. “Perhaps if I’d seen what you did in his mind that night… oh, I hardly know what I would have done.”

“You never could have hurt him. He’s your son, Leia. Not Darth Vader. He’s your _son_.”

Leia pulled her hands away from his grip and hid away her face in shame. What kind of mother was she? So eager to dismiss her brother’s part in all this! So angry with her son for taking his father’s life. How could she ever forgive either of them? And yet… how could she not? “All the suffering he’s caused, Luke! I try not to think about what this family has done to the galaxy! How much blood is on our hands! I dream of grandchildren, but this legacy feels like an unending scourge!”

“I failed your son, Leia. You were trying to protect him from Vader when you should have been protecting him from _me_! That doesn’t mean we give up. Snoke is gone. His influence on Ben is _finished_. We must not forget there are worst things out there. It was Vader that turned on Emperor Palpatine. It was Ben that finally eliminated Snoke. Our path may not be an easy one, but I’d like to think it’s worth it… in the end. Our life has meaning and purpose… we can’t forget that. Especially not now.”

He was right, of course, damn him. “You still think my son can bring balance to the Force?”

Luke’s smile was gentle, partially hidden under his trimmed beard. “I believe Ben and Rey _are_ the balance. The Force is bringing them together for a reason. I’m not the only one playing matchmaker….”

Leia scoffed. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind if those two ever discover my part in all this!”

“It’s the will of the Force… who are we to argue?”

“If Han were here he’d say, ‘the Force can kiss his ass’.”

“Yeah,” Luke chuckled. “Sounds about right….”

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there's no reylo interaction in this chapter, but I felt it was important to move the plot along a bit. Next chapter will contain some serious reylo goodness! I promise! In the meantime comments are everything!


	7. Chapter Six:  “What The Heart Yearns For”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Rey and Ben are living in a fantasy world... this isn't gonna end the way they think.

She could still feel the pulsing beat of Ben Solo’s kyber crystal against her fingertips, steady and strong. This precious crystal hanging around her neck had become an extension of their connection, a reassuring presence when anxiety overwhelmed her. As long as it pulsed she knew there was still hope.

The sky had gone black hours ago, with only the stars to light her way back to the base. The forest was wet from a gentle rain just hours before she’d come, and thick fog hovered over the ground. Rey was tucked inside her poncho, with just the slightest chill licking at her face and making her cheeks go numb. 

The base felt suffocating. The longer she stayed away, the less she wanted to return. She’d always thought having friends would end the crushing loneliness that would keep her up at night, but now she almost longed for her AT-AT. She was exhausted. Her mask was cracking, her smile faltering with each passing day. Eventually, they’d see right through her. They’d know something was off, and they’d despise her for the secrets she held back from them.

Here the tears could flow freely. No one around to ask her why. No eyes to judge her for craving a wretched monster with a broken heart. The Force whispered in this forest like an apparition, strangely soothing as it pacified her conflict and eased the doubts stirring in her soul. Her destiny felt solid in front of her. Instead of seeing the look of betrayal on Ben Solo’s face as she pierced him with her saber, she saw a warmth in his eyes as he gently touched her by a roaring fire. Ben Solo’s return to the light felt so much more real, and she held onto it like a lifeline.

Her eyes lifted up towards the heavens, gripping at her necklace in a tight fist. The stars glimmered, a galaxy full of life and love, but also overwhelmed by such emptiness and pain. Surely she wasn’t the only one longing for the other half of her soul. How many others were out there wandering the stars looking for a home?

The lonely Jedi closed her eyes and dropped her head against her chest, tucking the necklace back inside her poncho. It wasn’t healthy to dwell on such things, but it felt impossible to think about anything else. The Force allowed her to see her universe differently, to feel the energy as it passed through everything… both living and nonliving. Her eyes were being opened to so much, and it felt wrong not to acknowledge what she could see.

Rey stilled as she felt a sudden presence, and when she looked up there was Ben… faithfully coming to her when she ached for company. He was crouched right in front of her. He said nothing. His eyes took in the sadness written so clear on her face, and his hand rose to her cheek, catching her tears with his thumb.

His hair was falling over his eye, hiding away the scar. She could almost pretend those early days had never happened, and he was as unscathed as her. The thumb that had wiped away her tears drifted down and settled on her lower lip. She felt a sudden urge to taste it… taste her tears against his skin. She watched as his eyes fell to her mouth, her tongue grazing just the tip. The subtle hint of salt shot through her, straight to her center, stoking a fire that never really died.

When he lifted his gaze to meet hers, there was no mistaking the yearning, the conflict, and the fear. How was it… that he could match her so completely in this? These feelings passing between them just as interchangeable as the energy that held them together in the Force. Never far away. Never out of reach. Never without understanding and acceptance. Ben Solo was the only one that knew her. Oh how he knew her so well.

His thumb snuck just a bit more inside, catching between her teeth. Her hands clutching at her poncho to keep from reaching out from him. She was reacting on instinct and nothing else. The invisible Force urging her on, he was solid in her presence, pulling him across the stars… the same stars watching them now. She could taste him, hear his heavy breathing, see his skin flush. 

Rey wanted him… needed him… like nothing she’d ever known before. This desire even stronger than the fantasy that’d kept her waiting on Jakku. She would wait for him now… however long it took for Ben to come back. Instead of marking the days, she’d mark the hours… the minutes and the seconds. She’d mark every moment that she wasn’t his and he wasn’t hers.

“You shouldn’t cry over me,” he finally spoke, removing his thumb from between her teeth. Rey felt the loss deeply as he pulled away.

“I cry for myself.”

“You do?”

“Because I’m alone.”

“You’re not.” He shook his head stubbornly.

“This isn’t enough,” she argued, sharply. Her voice sounded cold to her own ears, filled with so much disappointment. “It’ll never be enough.”

His eyes shined, filled with the same compassion she’d seen that night in the hut on Ahch-To. In the dim light of the stars she shouldn’t be able to see the tears he refused to let fall… but she did. “I know.”

“Come home, Ben.”

More strands of hair fell into his face as she watched him pull even further away from her. His jaw clenching as he swallowed. “I can’t.”

“Come to me.”

“Or you could come to me,” he pushed. So stubborn… well so was she.

Rey turned away from him, more tears staining her cheeks. She would rather shut him out and suffer than accept a life on his terms. Her heart could splinter and crack until all that was left were pieces and she would still refuse him. “Be safe, Ben.”

His thumb returned to brush away the wetness from her face. She closed her eyes to savor his touch. “You too, Rey.”

*******

The first time he touched Armitage Hux’s mind had been soon after their first meeting. It would shape their every interaction moving forward. He’d only just become the monster known as Kylo Ren, eager to fall into the dark that never seemed to embrace him fully. Snoke willed the General to stay, to submit to Kylo’s inexperienced probing. The General was trained to resist, to provide a challenge. One would prevail, and one would disappoint their master.

Eager to please the master that had so willingly taken him in after Luke Skywalker’s betrayal, Kylo did not hold back. He tore into Hux’s mind with a clumsiness that inflicted more pain than was necessary. What he saw was staggering. A lust for power, to step on the backs of everyone and anyone, till they bowed lower than the ground. An overwhelming greed as he looked out towards the stars, seeking to watch the galaxy burn while he reaped all the benefits. There was something else too… a secret… his private shame.

Ben Solo had known very little about sexuality in all its varied forms. His education covered biology, but not the complexity of its impact on one’s psyche. He remembered the shock, like being dropped into ice water… the touch of another male in intimate places. They were memories… fantasies hidden in the darkest depths of the General’s mind. The desires of a man who found pleasure in being pressed into the softness of a bed as he was penetrated from behind.

The pushback of Hux’s mind had been wild and desperate. Panic rising and encompassing everything else until the feeling of fullness faded and all Kylo could hear was screaming. Self-loathing. Weakness. Humiliation. Revulsion. Disgust. This was all Kylo could hold onto as he endured the storm of Armitage’s thoughts.

Snoke ripped them apart from each other immediately; closing their connection with such a suddenness Kylo’s own mind shuddered and ached. The murderous hatred in Hux’s eyes left the young Force user stunned. They’d both been thrown to the ground, but only the General moved to stand. He was immediately dismissed by his master, leaving Kylo alone with the Supreme Leader.

‘ _What did you see, my young apprentice?_ ’

He was lying on his left arm, pushing away from the floor, but still not quite capable of rising to his feet. “He… desires power.” The images burned inside his mind, and left Kylo breathless. The lewd noises of skin pounding against skin still echoed inside his head, and left him stunned and confused as to what he’d just witnessed.

‘ _You need not peer inside his mind to discover that, apprentice._ ’

Kylo’s eyes had lifted to his master. He dared not share the peculiar longings of General Hux. He couldn’t make sense of it. He was ignorant of such things. So animalistic and wild… Hux’s grunts and groans as he demanded more. Hux was _excited_ by these thoughts and memories, but the intense detestation that followed was even more baffling.

It was one of the few times Ren chose not to reveal everything to his master… to give respect to General Hux’s deep and hidden pain. He may not have understood what he saw, but he knew what it was like to struggle with internal conflict… to deny something that ought not be denied. Kylo often found himself wondering how different things would be if he’d never discovered that dark secret buried inside Armitage Hux.

Now it mattered very little. It was valuable to the Supreme Leader, a piece of information that might possibly hold Hux back… delay his plans. Or perhaps it might be used to distract him from his aims, compromise him the way Luke Skywalker had humiliated Kylo Ren. It was something to contemplate, if nothing else. To understand the enemy was to understand how best to conquer him. Hux was dangerous. Of that Kylo had no doubt.

His mind drifted to his own secret… to his connection to Rey. He was doing this for her. To protect her. Once he felt secure in his place as Supreme Leader… perhaps she’d finally see that her place was by his side. He had to believe that she would come to him. Break down and seek him out. The Force Bond was still pulling them together. Hux was all that really stood in their way.

He would bring order to the galaxy… and peace. Kylo was certain he could do it with her help. Together they were the balance. Their destinies were intertwined. He needed her. Her guidance and compassion for others. He needed her beside him… keeping him centered. She was alone, like he was. Kylo could see what it was doing to her to stay away. First he would eliminate General Hux… use his own secrets against him… and then he would finally have Rey. She would surely rule by his side.

It was unavoidable… it was her destiny… and his.

*******

Rey had fallen asleep beneath the shadow of the tree she’d been resting against. It was nearly dusk by the time she’d awoken and begun to make her way back to the base. Her mind swirled with possible explanations for her absence. Surely someone had noticed she’d failed to check in the night before. Poe would make inquiries. He insisted on following procedure… ironic considering how often he’d rebelled against the authority of others.

The faint sound of laughter gave her pause, her muscles tensed as she dropped behind thick bushes. The leaves tickled at her skin, her fingers digging into the dirt to resist the urge to swat them away. She was in no real danger. This was made all the more clear as her eyes followed the movements of two officers locked in a loving embrace. The male (unidentifiable), but she knew the woman quite well (to her surprise). His lips grazed over Kaydel Connix’s neck, tasting her skin with a peculiar mixture of sensual aggression.

Rey found herself drawn to this private moment, unable to pull her eyes away as she observed his large hands roam over Kaydel’s body. He seemed undeterred by clothes, squeezing at her breast through the uniform. Rey swallowed hard at how this male possessed Connix, his lips dragging up her neck to claim her mouth in a brutal kiss.

Was this what it was like? To give in? To let her darkest desires triumph? The warmth of a body pressed in close till nothing was between them. The subtle rocking of his hardness pressing into the cradle of her hips. Nails digging into his back. Teeth and tongues clashing, quiet moans, the sharp intake of breath as he lifted her up, slamming her back against a tree. They were a frenzy of sexual passion, more animalistic in this state of pure lust.

The ache inside her stirred powerfully as Rey imagined Ben touching her in this way. Giving in to something carnal and ancient to satisfy the emptiness tormenting them both. There was no doubt in her mind that his actions would be controlled and careful, while hers would be wild and unrestrained… like in battle they were so full of contradictions. She would be the one eager to possess _him_ , and he would gladly submit to her demands.

The male was removing clothing for more access despite Kaydel’s half-hearted protests. He growled against her, detailing all the things he’d do to her as if she had no choice. Connix shuddered, panting against him. Their intensity building in front of Rey’s very eyes till guilt cut through her. This was a private moment. Not for her. Not hers to share.

She crawled back carefully, avoiding any twigs or dried leaves that might give away her location. When she was certain she was well out of their sight, Rey jumped up and ran. Any ideas of returning to the base were forgotten as she made her escape back into the woods where she’d found sanctuary. Perhaps they could protect her from this too. 

Safeguard her from this exposure… from the experiences she might never have. Jealousy seeping into her bones and leaving her cold. Nothing but the dark side… overpowering her light. If Ben would only come to her… they could have this. They could have everything. Her body and his. Crashing together just as fate desired.

Leia’s words of hope drifted through her mind as she finally stopped to catch her breath, falling to her knees. If Ben could seduce Rey to the dark side, could she seduce him to the light? Was it wrong for her to attempt such a thing? Use the promise of gratification to lure him to her side? She wanted Ben to touch her… like Kaydel’s mystery lover. Sometimes when he appeared before her she almost begged him to end her suffering, to make her his. She knew she would be safe in his arms… and he would be safe in hers. No more fighting. No more conflict. Giving in to the urges stirring in her belly. The urges that had made him harden right in front of her very eyes.

What would it be like to share such an intimacy? She needed to know... to understand. She needed a teacher.

*******

‘ _Let the past die._ ’

Kylo Ren often found himself saying things that would eventually come back to haunt him. He’d tried so hard to bury the pieces of his past that hurt the worst. Han Solo. Leia Organa. Luke Skywalker. Those three names clung to his ribs till he’d felt like he was suffocating. 

‘ _Kill it if you have to._ ’

The fiery blade pierced Han Solo’s chest, and he’d quietly thanked his father for the privilege. Snoke would surely be pleased, he’d thought. It was a significant step towards embracing his destiny. This would be the turning point, in which Darth Vader’s legacy could truly be reborn. 

‘ _That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be._ ’

He was being torn apart before he killed his father. What came after was so much worse. Split to the bone… his marrow exposed to his Master’s oppressive gaze. He was unworthy of Vader’s legacy, just as surely as he was unworthy of Luke’s. He grew tired of walking in the shadows of other people’s expectations. He would forge his own legacy, free of his family… finally building something new.

‘ _Alas, you’re no Vader. You’re just a child in a mask._ ’

His greatest fear was realized, and it wasn’t quite as terrible as he’d thought. Watching the mask slam into the elevator walls had felt like a release. Freedom was addictive. Each violent dent throwing him further and further away from this prison he’d built for himself. Free of all of it. His father’s heart. His mother’s spirit. His uncle’s power. His grandfather’s destiny. Snoke’s mind-control.... 

It had felt like falling backwards, watching Nalek Ren put on the mask. An exact replica of the one he’d left mangled and smoking in the _Supremacy_ ’s elevator. Yet another legacy he could no longer withstand the weight of anymore. The mask hissed and latched into place, and Kylo seethed with an internalized disgust. If he could pour the blood from his veins and replace it with another’s, there’s no doubt in his mind that he would.

It was necessary, he knew. He and Nalek were of similar build, but their facial features couldn’t be more different. Whereas Kylo’s skin was pale, Nalek’s skin was sun-kissed. Kylo’s hair was dark and thick, while Nalek’s was a strawberry blonde and quite thin. Nalek’s blue eyes were like ice, cold and distant. Kylo envied his indifferent stare. The mask would allow them to trade places, and keep Hux from tracking his new Supreme Leader’s location. It was vital to his plans.

He needed every advantage. Desperate for allies as lines were being drawn. Treacherous souls surrounded him, hungry for the power he’d only just grasped. Snoke commanded fear in those beneath him because he was vicious and cruel… oppressive and powerful. Kylo Ren was well aware the ghost of Ben Solo continued to hold him back.

“Very good, Nalek. How does it feel?”

“Like it wasn’t meant for me,” Nalek responded through the vocal modifier built into the mask.

“That matters very little,” Kylo assured him. “It wasn’t meant for me either.”

**To Be Continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I've had guests and another fic that needed updating. I'll try to be quicker with this story. In the meantime, tell me what you guys think? I'd love to know! Comments are everything!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos give me inspiration. :)


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